Distance dating is something that is only truly understood through experience. The long travel days, FaceTime, immense joys, heartbreaking sorrows, and learning to live life together while being separate is a purifying and beautiful process.
Discerning marriage with any person takes intentionality, but when you’re doing so apart, it can be difficult to know where to begin. So if you’ve found someone you think is worth the distance, here is my advice ….
Prayer, communication, sacrifice, and love are the foundations of discerning well at a distance.
PRAYER
⁃ Pray for yourself, your partner, and your relationship daily. Pray on your own, and pray together. Distance is difficult, and it’s likely few friends will fully understand your experience unless they’ve lived the distance themselves. In my experience, time spent with Christ is the surest way to understanding, peace, and courage to bear the cross of distance. Christ will not lead you astray. Leaning on His strength and guidance is the best thing you can do for yourself and your partner.
COMMUNICATION
⁃ If you’re dating long-distance, you have to learn to communicate well. Conflict is never fun, but when you aren’t in the same location, you MUST say what needs to be said sooner rather than later. When you only have a phone call/FaceTime to be together, lack of communication is simply not an option. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Couples who do distance well communicate well. If you feel you aren’t on the same page, work to get on the same page, and in the process, you’ll find yourself growing in trust and gaining clarity.
SACRIFICE
⁃ Whether it’s dedicating time to calls and taking a step away from friends at times, traveling on weekends, moving across the country, or even simply surrendering what the future holds, dating long-distance cannot be done without sacrifice. If you’re unwilling to sacrifice for the other, distance dating isn’t for you. Anything good is worthy of sacrifice, and distance dating can provide a great foundation for authentic receptivity and gift through sacrifice if you’re willing to try.
LOVE
⁃ Authentic love is fueled by prayer. Authentic love communicates fears, joys, frustrations, and pains. Authentic love sacrifices for the other whether easy or difficult. Love is worth the distance and grows with each challenge along the way. In learning to sacrifice and watching your partner do the same, I think you’ll find if love is at the center of each moment, you’ll be just fine.
Distance dating looks different for every couple. Heck, dating itself is different for every couple. But what I have both experienced and witnessed in my own life is that a relationship with firm roots of prayer, communication, sacrifice, and love – if willed by God – can lead to sanctity.
So if you’re looking to seriously date someone (in-person or at any level of distance) lean on these foundations and you’ll be just fine.
All my love and prayers,
Monica +JMJ+
P.s. distance is 110% worth all the sacrifice if you find the right person. So if you happened to find this post while searching for practical ways to date well at a distance … I’d say you’re already on the right track 😉
